somebody snuck up and got me drunk
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
