Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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