Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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