The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
