Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
