I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
