Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
