Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
