i think my tv is drunk
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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