I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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