Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
