I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She said her name was "party"
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
