he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
