the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
