He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
