i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
