Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Dignity is for republicans.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
