I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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