Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
