Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
