Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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