those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
