I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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