I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
