His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
