Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
