I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
