and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
