Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
