First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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