She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We just shotgunned beers for America
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
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