..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
