I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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