He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
