Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
