And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
