Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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