Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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