So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
