Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize