Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
