i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The feeling are messing with the penis
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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