OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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