Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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