spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
