To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize