My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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