my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
