It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
