...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
