Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
