ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
