two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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