Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
