Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Sext me about skeletons
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