I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
