I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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