I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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