Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
