she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
please don't ironically join a cult
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