That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
