If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize