i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
