Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
