grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize