You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
