Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
