he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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