So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
