I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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