All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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