you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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