maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize