My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
