Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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