I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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