I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
