The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
