Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
