i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
