Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
