Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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