i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize
