he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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