toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize