so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
