cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
