Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
