Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
