if i can run in heels then i can drive
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Shame - the story of my life.
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