I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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