Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
