I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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