We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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