In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
