I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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