do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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